This week I had my first ADHD appointment. We went through the profiling and my mind kept exploding moment after moment.
I have spent so much of my life thinking I’m broken because of the trauma I experienced. It wasn’t until my sister was diagnosed with ADHD and my ten year old asked me if he could get tested himself did I really start to look at it potentially being how my brain works.
Man. I don’t know how to explain the absolute wave of peace that washed over me as soon as it came to light that I too am ADHD. I have another appointment in July that the Doctor has asked my sister to attend also but we can then look at medication options and strategies!
Ive only just started learning about ADHD and the way our brains work but the absolute clarity I have is a relief. It feels right and Im excited to go on the journey.
But RSD – Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria – blew my mind. I avoid deep connection because it means i am protected – but I always wanted to go deep with people I just met. It never made sense – complete sense – when we looked at my childhood and tried to find why I was like this because of all the trauma. I get absolutely knocked down – at times – for days and it can be debilitating – when rejection shows up in my life. It could be a staff member resigning, somebody not liking something Ive said, a sister or family disagreement. It never really showed up as anger for me. It was always ‘what could I have done better, what do I need to change for them to like me, why do they not like it here’. Some times – especially in 2021 – I would be watching Netflix in the dark for days on end – from the moment Id wake up until midnight. It never made complete sense – until now!
This knowledge – learning about this – will fundamentally change the way I parent, lead and show up in life. This alone is worth everything I have gone through.
I am soo excited about what’s to come and I know some of it is going to be tough – but right now – I am elated.