Not for the better. It had me in tears, not good ones… I felt fat. I felt ridiculous, and I considered walking down the aisle in it.
Emotional purchasing. Swiping the card because your heart and your head arent working together… or someone tells you you look amazing in something.
I have never really been effected by fashionistas, labels, sales assistants or boyfriends…. In fact I have always dressed how I feel comfortable and never given into pressure because someone told me to… Im pretty strong when it comes to peer pressure.
However a few weeks ago I was standing there, in a dress, a beautiful dress, by myself in a store, with one lady who I had no idea who she was, telling me I looked great. She was lovely and still is, but her words crept into my head and got me to pull my wallet out and purchase this dress. I put it on layby, walked out of the shop hoping to convince myself this was the dress Id marry Paul in. I looked at the pics on my iphone, didnt like them, explained to people it looked better in real life etc… Eventually I went and got it off layby, then I started feeling sick.
Everytime I put it on I felt worse than the last time… Best friend said “Ohhh its lovely”, sister said “Its not what I thought you would wear”… I knew its their nice way of saying “nice dress just not on you”. Their faces showed how I felt. Two days later, dress is back at the store and I have a credit note.
However I tried on this dress a stunning gun metal grey gown that I loved… it also came in black. I was like see this is the type of dress I feel sexy in etc etc… then she spoke the words “you know you can get it made in ivory”… I nearly toppled over… this situation just got a whole lot better. But I need another set of eyes first…
SO the point of this blog is, I felt disgusting about myself because of a piece of clothing. AND I went against what I know which is me and bought it anyway.
I have spoken to women about this experience and some of them stated they feel like this all the time. 24 hours a day they felt horrible about their bodies, they had no confidence, not one inch of them made them feel sexy. My mouth fell to the floor. I felt like this for 48 hours, let alone 27 years.
Why do women feel like this? Is it because they dont know their bodies, everyone tells them they are ugly, magazines reinforce the fat message… what is it?
If a woman eats healthy, exercises and is still a size 16, how should society make her feel?
To be continued…