The non existent man drought

drought

  /draʊt/

–noun

1. a period of dry weather, esp. a long one that is injurious to crops.

 

2. an extended shortage: a drought of good writing.

 

The man drought does not exist.  It is something single women have created in their own heads, as an excuse to make themselves feel better, and to avoid blame for lack of enthusiasm with life.

There is no shortage of great men, it comes down to where you look, how hard you are looking, and your reasons for the manhunt.  If you are sick of being single and just want a guy, you are going to attract the type of guys that make you think all the good ones have gone! If you are desperate for someone to love you, you are most likely to attract the wrong type of guy for you (especially if you are usually independent) or you, yourself will become an unattractive mess of nagging, confusion and your desperate pleas for unacquainted love will be heard before you even enter the bar.

There are thousands of people in the world who think they know what love is, that there is one definitive answer for this complex emotion every person desires to have in their lives.

I don’t think I have the answers to what love is, I just know that as women, we create these barriers to happiness, to attracting the things we want in life by finding excuses as to why we can’t have something or someone.

I have experienced love in many forms, because to me love has many forms.  There is love in each kind of relationship we have with another person.  I am best friends with a great guy I was with for over four years, and friends with others I was with for a few months.  I believe there is no room in life for resentment, and I have a tendency to exit relationships at a time before love turns to hate.

How do you feel about your exes?  Because it’s these feelings that could determine your attitude towards men and relationships and the future of where your heart lays.

There are good and bad men, just as there is good and bad women.  No matter what age you are, there is someone out there for you, you just have to stop thinking you need it, you need to release any hatred you feel towards men, and you need to love who you are and do the things you want to do and that you enjoy.  Happiness is a journey, a timeline of experiences that are usually defined as a happy time after the event has been experienced.  Nobody but yourself has control over your happiness, and every decision you make is made solely by you, and should be made based on your wants and needs only.  If you make decisions for any other reason then you will time after time end up unhappy.

For the past two years I have been wanting to write this article based on the Myth of the Man Drought, because I have never believed it existed, and after all my research… I have proven to myself that it is just a myth.

I thought I would look into three ways of meeting guys… I would try an online dating site, I would go speed dating, and then I would try to meet someone out at a bar.  Now these three methods all have their own pros and cons list, some people swear by one over the other, but I have to say I think all three are worth being involved in.

#1 Online Dating Sites

There are hundreds of ways to meet people online, free sites and paid sites.  After looking at a few different sites I decided to try a site my housemate recommended, called Plenty of Fish (www.plentyoffish.com) .  It was free and easy to use.  I had control over who saw my profile and I could easily have conversations on or offline.  It was actually fun rather than scary.  I made the decision to be honest about who I was, what I liked and disliked, and when I was comfortable talking to someone I would agree to meet them!

So after creating my profile and uploading a profile picture… I started searching the database of guys.  There were profiles I read that didn’t seem to make sense, where you felt they were dishonest, but majority of the profiles I read were honest, amusing and made the whole experience fun!  I decided that I would email some of the ones that interested me (take note:  why wait for a guy to contact you) and I was astounded by the response. They were genuinely friendly, funny and considerate.  They answered any questions openly, cracked jokes at things I said, and made me feel like we had already met.  Out of about 10 guys I emailed that first day I got 7 replies, which lead to 5 conversations on MSN, which I then withered down to 2 guys I wanted to actually meet, and so I did.

The first guy Nick* was a Project Manager who played Indoor Cricket.  He lived on the north side but was happy to meet halfway.  We had dinner, which he insisted on paying for (in fact, he paid before we had even got the bill).  Conversation was easy, he was intelligent, hilarious (not as funny as me) and genuinely interested in the things I had to say.  I went on this ‘date’ with no expectations or checklist, because if I was to do this it automatically creates pressure on yourself and will have you analysing every word of the conversation as it happens… do you really want to put yourself through that?

Anyway a few hours after the initial meeting, we were still talking, we had the same taste in music, we found the same things funny, but there was no real attraction there… but I wasn’t disappointed.  I was glad to have met this guy.  He is awesome, we are still mates, and he is happily loved up with a girl who he met online as well.

The second guy Chris*, had a secure job, played soccer, had a passion for snow and motorbikes, and the desire to work for himself one day.  Our first date didn’t go to plan… not that there was really a plan!  We were meant to go for dinner, however he was two hours late so we got Subway instead, and sat in the car eating and talking.

Four hours later, we decided it was pretty late and we headed back to my house.  Ever the gentleman (yes they exist) he gave me a hug and made sure I was in safely before leaving.

I went on to date Chris* for a year, which ended purely because we were at different stages in our lives… yes, we are still friends, both with new partners and happy!

Conclusion: Two dates with people I had never met, completely stress free and with great guys!  Online dating was easy, fun and free! Definitely give it a go, you’re probably already on Facebook anyway, so why not?

#2 Speed Dating

The idea of Speed Dating was a bit more exciting for me, because I love networking anyway, but it had this appeal to it, caused by trendsetting shows such as Sex & the City.  It was seen to be fun, sexy and open.  I had always been curious to find out what exactly Speed Dating was and how it put you in touch with potential ‘matches’.

I went with a friend (I would definitely recommend going with someone you know), as it eased any nerves I had, and gave me someone to giggle and cross check notes with during and after the event.

There were 18 girls and 20 guys.  Most of the girls were nurses, teachers, office girls and a few had their own businesses.  Majority of the guys were engineers, lawyers, real estate agents, and some in hospitality.  There was your obvious ‘player’, however he was bearable for the five minutes he was in front of me!  Throughout the night I learnt one girl had a checklist (this wasn’t her first time speed dating) , but most of the guys said the girls were normal and that they were having fun learning about different women and what they did on a daily basis. 

The next day you get your ‘matches’.  I received 18 out of 20 matches, with my beautiful friend getting 19 out of 20!  However I had ticked seven who I would be mates with, she chose 3! What this means is only seven out of the 18 guys who wanted my details got them and so forth.

At the time I went speed dating I wasn’t looking for a relationship (not that I am ever actively looking) but I did and am still friends with one out of the three guys I spoke to after the night!  The other two were great, however there is only so many people you can keep up with and I had a great friendship building with Matt plus we had day to day stuff in common!

Conclusion: Speed Dating teaches you a lot about yourself and what you like and dislike in the opposite sex.  I can see how relationships unfold from these events and totally think it was a great night out!  I am now hosting Speed Dating for the company that ran the night I went to, so much fun and definitely worth the time and money.

#3 Picking up in a bar

This seemed to be the most obvious place for singles to pick up.  A bar is regularly the stage for many corny pickup lines, one night stands, drunken text messaging, and broken hearts.  I think picking up in a bar is one of the hardest ways to meet guys, however it’s not impossible.

Your choice of male when out on the town, is unlimited.  There are clubs where young drunks go, where sexually driven men hang out, where people who have certain interests drink (music, economic status and so forth).  I chose to go to a precinct where professionals go on a Friday Night after work.  I started off the night quietly with a friend, and we both got approached in the first half hour of us being there.  I played a game of pool against a lawyer who had his own apartment and dog in the inner city.  He had been single for six months.  I didn’t change numbers as I wasn’t a materialistic person and didn’t particularly care about the stuff he owned, however I was impressed that he had goals and his life together before he had turned 30.

Two hours later, three vodkas, and a few more ‘random’ friends on the dance floor I was approached by a guy who had been catching my eye from the bar.  He was good-looking, worked in real estate, had been saving to go overseas for a holiday and played sport.  He was a year older than me, he had things he was working towards (something Speed Dating taught me I liked in a guy), and ultimately matched me on a humorous level (however I do maintain I am funnier).

We spoke for another two hours, he bought a drink for me, I in turn bought him one (I was allowed to be equal with him).  We spoke about every subject we possibly could think of, and ended up having breakfast at McDonalds down the road together once the bar closed.  We swapped numbers.

Conclusion:  Picking up in a bar is the hardest way to meet guys because you don’t know who is taken, what their intentions are and sometimes it’s even hard to hear their name over the music.  However, I believe if you go out to enjoy yourself, with no expectations to ‘find love’ then you are most likely to enjoy the entire night, and make new friends along the way.

Overall, I don’t believe there is a man drought.  Guys are everywhere, it’s just that we don’t know how to be honest to ourselves, to love our bodies, to be comfortable with what we do for a living, and to put ourselves out there in the big world to create opportunities for love to happen.

“Life is not about finding yourself, it’s about creating yourself”

Get out and do all the things you want to do… Be the best version of you possible and make a life for yourself.  Be okay with the little things, and let your everyday experiences bring you happiness, and love will happen the way it’s meant to happen.

Where I am:  I am in love, I am in a relationship with a guy who loves everything about me, looks after me when I’m sick, lets me dream big, and pursue these dreams without standing in the way.  He has goals he works towards.  We are on an equal level when it comes to the things we can bring to the relationship, materialistically and emotionally, and the future is brighter than ever.

We met at a function that was for a mutual passion of ours, and we didn’t meet properly until a week later!  We had never heard of each other before, however we have mutual friends and our core values and beliefs match each other!

It happens when you least expect it, and when it happens, you just know!

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