The last week has been quite a strange one for me. I’ve had a few days where I’ve become a bit worried and edgy that some things in my life were going to disappear. Now those who know me are aware of my ability to disconnect and detach from emotions, materialistic objects and everything in general.
It appears that those days are over. In the past few weeks I have become emotionally connected to my life, in particularly a certain someone.
The realisation came yesterday when I was in the middle of my soccer game. After turning around and seeing he wasn’t there made my heart hurt and the strange thought that ran through my mind was “If I never saw his face again I’d cry”. I literally became breathless, and had 8 minutes left of the half before I could go and find him. I told you I was in some weird panic mood.
The car wasn’t there, and my overactive brain started going crazy. I felt like a silly emotional girl who had no logic in her thoughts at that particular time. This was the first time I had actually been like this. I was in love.
I went back on the field, still struggling to pull myself together. I was in a rush to see his face again. After scoring my goal, I turn around to run back and there he is. Sitting there, unaware of how I was feeling. I smiled and wanted to kick myself in the head for being such a girl.
I spent the afternoon with a really good friend who I hadn’t seen for a long time, and after leaving her I realised why this time was different to the other times.
This time I was completely myself. This time I didn’t give up everything for them. This time I loved him completely. There is not one thing I would change about him.
I love his laugh, I love his ability to make me laugh. I can close my eyes and be content with life. I feel supported, that whatever goals I have for the future, he wants to be there and not just stand next to me but be a part of them. He feels the same way about life as I do.
It has taken me a long time to emotionally attach to something and I’m glad that it’s now, and I’m glad that it’s him.